and im all alone....

sometimes its tough to take care of yourself when all you can really do is lay in bed........ is it wrong of me to want to be taken care of for once?

glee is helping... but its making me cry. music can really get to me...

damn im sucha crybaby
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<<t r u s t>>
2010-12-29 @ 11:36 p.m.

... AKA trust issues

i just dont trust the world!
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<<fuck sleep.... and technology!>>
2010-12-29 @ 11:23 p.m.

so im having issues again with sleep...

i dont know what it is this time, but i dont like the feeling. i want to sleep, i need to sleep, i feel extremely tired, yet i cant close my eyes and just dream.

maybe im getting too used to having someone around all the time that being alone scares me. i dont even want to turn the lights off. id rather keep them on and pay the high electricity bill. the winds hitting my window freak me out. silence is not even an option, i need the noise of music or the tv.

im thinking too much..... again.

i love being alone, but i hate it sooo damn much!

i still dont trust technology...

what ever happened to the good old days when cell phones werent a necessity and AOL 3.0 was the shiiiit! LOL... damn facebook has ruined the world! so much happens behind the wall and people nowadays are fucking great at hiding it! a status change can and usually does mean soooo many damn things that its breaks people down to pieces and makes them wanna die.

maybe im just being dramatic... wtf is wrong with me??? lol

im turning into my mother......
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<<sorrrrryyyy>>
2010-12-26 @ 8:45 a.m.

Uhmmm... I'm tired of apologizing.
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<<boom tic?>>
2010-12-07 @ 2:58 p.m.

boom tic tic tic kah tic tic boom tic tic tic kah tic tic...........

THATS HOW IT IS SUCKAAAA!
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<<violence>>
2010-11-29 @ 12:05 a.m.

Violence is NOT the answer!!!

LOL
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<<birthweeeeek>>
2010-11-22 @ 8:07 p.m.

Daaamn.... WTF is happening right now??

I didn't expect my birth week to start off the way it has, but what can I do?? I can either let it go and try to make it better OR bitch and cry about it.... It looks like I've chosen the latter.

When it comes to my choices in my words and actions, a lot of times there is no thought put into it, and I suppose that is a problem. What isn't understood is that sometimes there is no real truth behind it either. Must I really stop doing things that make me laugh? But But But.... I loooove laughing! But is the laughter really worth effecting others in a negative way? I don't think about things like that, and I suppose I should.

I guess that IS a problem....

I know my own boundaries. I know how far I can and am willing to take things. I know I can trust myself. It sucks that others don't know what I know, nor trust that I can make good decisions ALL of the time.

What sucks more is that I don't know how far others are willing to take things. That's what I fear... Am i wrong for thinking this way??

You can call me hypocritical, but you would be WRONG. I CAN TRUST MYSELF, I CAN'T REALLY TRUST OTHERS....

I mean no harm...
I just love to laugh...
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<<so much change>>
2010-11-11 @ 10:58 p.m.

So much change.....

I think my problem is that I fear true happiness. It is not that I don't feel as if i deserve to be happy. It is more that I do not believe that there is such a thing as true happiness. On top of that, i refuse to set myself up for heart break - not necessarily just in relationships, but in everything. I don't want to be truly happy over something to have it taken away from me.......

BUT OF COURSE.... I need to put my guards down and just accept things as they come to me. I need to stop pushing things (and people) away. I need to learn to fully open up and trust that people will not judge me. I need to not care if people judge me.

I need to sleep at night =)

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<<prayer of gratitude>>
2010-11-07 @ 9:01 p.m.

I can honestly say that I never would have guessed that my life would end up the way it is right now.

Its kinda sad how I thought I had no choice but to be tied down to something that I felt trapped in. I thought the right thing to do was to just accept the way things were and to somehow feel content with it. Who was I kidding?.. or better yet the question should be... Who did I become?

I truly believe that I was put through such horrific moments and situations and forced to live in a way that defiled my true Self so that I can appreciate what I have right now. And believe me.... I have never been more appreciative in my life!

And so I'll end with a prayer....

Heavenly Father...
With the chaos of my busy days, I sometimes forget to stop to thank you for all that is good in my life.

I am thankful for all my blessings...
...the gift of living
...the ability to love and be loved
...opportunity to see the everyday wonders of creation
...sleep, food, shelter
...a mind that thinks
...and a body that feels.

I am grateful, too, for those things in my life that are less than I would hope them to be...
...Things that seem challenging, unfair, or difficult.
...When my heart feels stretched and empty, and pools of tears form in my eyes
Still I rejoice that you are as near to me as my next breath and that in the midst of turbulence, I am growing and learning.

In the silence of my soul, I thank you most of all for your unconditional and eternal love.

Amen.
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<<fine line>>
2010-10-27 @ 5:58 p.m.

There's a fine line between a LOVER and a FRIEND...
There's a fine line between REALITY and PRETEND...
There's a fine line between a FAIRY TALE and a LIE...
There's a fine line between YOU'RE WONDERFUL and GOODBYE...
There's a fine line between TOGETHER and NOT...
There's a fine line between what you WANTED and what you GOT...

You never know until you reach the TOP if it was worth the uphill climb...
I guess if someone doesn't LOVE you back it isn't such a CRIME...
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your PRIME...
There's a fine line between LOVE and a WASTE OF TIME...
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<<=)>>
2010-10-22 @ 1:51 a.m.

ALL Smiles.....
=)
=D
=>
=P

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turn back - look forward